25 Years Ago, We Broke Them Up; Now, Vengeance is AT&T's

"Twas the week before Christmas and at the warehouse, not a packet was acking, when they clicked the mouse... " 

Yes, in the vein of great holiday traditions, our semi-annual snuffing of the T3 data line occurred last week.  Seems to do it every year without fail, and every year we go through the same crap ... fortunately, this year I'm writing down here, so next year I won't spend six hours on the phone again.

Emergency Repair Procedures for T3 Line at Work

Step 1: Verify that the T3 is down.  Try to call the warehouse.  Phones dead? Try pinging.  Ping dead?  Okay, good, you're down.

Step 2: Wait for the warehouse manager to call and blame you.  Remind her that, yes, you exist only to sabotage the corporate network so you can spend hours on the phone chatting up a hot AT&T Technician.

Step 3: Go to accounting.  Get a recent copy of the bill to make sure it's been paid.  

Step 4: On page two of the bill, there is a section that says, "For service inquiries call 800-290-1011." Call this number.  

Step 5: Friendly Level 1 Support Rep will ask for a circuit ID.  Read the one on the bill -- it should start with "DHZ...".  Wait for them to tell you it's not a valid circuit.  Tell them you're reading it off your bill.  Wait for a spiel about how billing department is completely separate from the repair department.  Ask them why they are charging you for a line that doesn't exist then.  Friendly Level 1 Support Rep will ask for the circuit ID again so he can ask his manager.

Step 6:  Wait on hold for 7 minutes.

Step 7:  Friendly Level 1 Support Rep will give you a ticket ID -- 9 digits, beginning with the number 8, and tell you that, if you haven't heard from a tech within 1 hour to call back.  

Step 8: Call back in one hour.  (Trust me, you won't hear back.)

Step 9: New Less-Friendly Level 1 Support Rep will tell them that you initially called the wrong number.  You should have called SBC.  Mention that the number on your bill (from AT&T) says to call him, and ask why -- since AT&T bought SBC to make our lives more convenient -- they print disinformation on your bill.  He will tell you that, if you want to be able to call the number on your bill, then you need to instruct SBC to create a Disco and re-establish your service with AT&T.  He will then transfer you to a Level 1 SBC Support Rep.

Step 10: Repeat your woes to the SBC rep, they will tell you that "DHZ..." is not an SBC circuit, however they do show that you have an SBC circuit and will give you a different circuit id.  This one starts with "AST..." and is for an address that your company has not owned for at least three years.  Tell them that the AT&T guy told you to tell them that they need to fill out a Disco.  Then give them the "DHZ..." circuit ID and the correct address.  They will give you a ticket ID -- this one is eight digits beginning with the letter H, and tell you that, if you haven't heard from a tech within 1 hour to call the following number: 888-611-4466 then press 3, then press 1. 

Step 11: Call back in one hour, press 3, then press 1.  Automated system will tell you should have called 877-722-3755, but will be kind enough to connect you anyway.   

Step 12: System will then ask for your phone number.  Give it to them.  

Step 13:  System will Tell you that DSL and ATT U-Verse is available in your area and connect you to a qualified salesperson who will be happy to take your order.  Explain to the qualified salesperson that you need to get a T3 circuit repaired.  They will explain that you have reached DSL home support and instruct you to call the "AT&T National IT Resoruce Center" at 866-937-3664. 

Step 14:  Call the National IT Resource Center, tell the friendly tech that you have a trouble ticket you need to check on.  He will instruct you that they don't do trouble tickets, and you will need to contact the "Repair Center" at 888-572-4545.

Step 15:  Call the repair center.  They will ask you for your nine-digit ticket ID.  When you read it for them, they will tell you it was closed.  Tell them you have another ID that was given to you and read them the eight-digit ticket ID.  They will tell you that this is not one of their tickets, because theirs all have nine digits.  They will suggest that you try "Managed Internet Services," and that you should call them at 888-613-6330.

Step 16:  Get frustrated, go to lunch. 

Step 17:  Call Managed Internet Services.  Give the friendly tech both of your ticket ID's.  They will not know what you're talking about either, but you're back at AT&T, and if your ticket was transferred to SBC, then you need to be talking to the "SBC Local Group" at 888-290-2490.

Step 18:  Call the "SBC Local Group."  Talk to the nice lady.  Learn that yes, you SHOULD be talking to the local group, but she is at the local group for Bell South and that the miserable bastards at Managed Internet Services have sent you to the wrong local group, but hang on she'll look that up for you.  After sitting on hold for a few minutes, she will tell you to call 888-611-4466 then press 3, then press 1.   Tell her you have called that already and it's DSL home support.  You're calling about a T3 for a small business.  She will tell you that, in that case, you need "Enterprise Technical Support" at 888-334-3787.

Step 19:  Call "Enterprise Technical Support."  Give them both ticket ID's.  They will not have heard of you at all, but suggest that they can connect you back to the people you initally talked to back in Step 4 at "AT&T Data Support" (800-331-0500) to find out which local group your nine-digit ticket ID was transferred to. 

Step 20:  Give AT&T Data support your nine-digit ticket ID and ask who your local group is.  They will tell you that your local group is called the "Global Services Group" at 888-272-6565.  Do NOT at that point ask why your local group is called Global Services because, though you may not realize it, your brain is dangerously close to postal by this point.  Do you feel those heart palpatations?  That's a warning sign.

Step 21:  Call Global Services, give them your eight-digit ticket ID.  The friendly tech will act all concerned, "Oh, they didn't call you?  He's on his way." 

Step 22:  Wait 90 minutes.  Everyone at the office should have gone home about an hour ago.  It should be getting dark and cold in the building soon.

Step 23: A Technician will call saying he's just finishing up and should be there in an hour, but not to worry, he doesn't get off until 11:00PM and doesn't mind the lateness of the hour.  Tell him you do, you're going home, and he can come out first thing in the morning.  

Step 24: Go get drunk.  Consider a career change.

Step 25: System wil miraculously repair itself in the middle of the night. 

	File Under:	Rant
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